So I guess it's time I share my news with everyone.
At the beginning of the summer in June 2018 I was diagnosed with CERVICAL CANCER.
All summer I have been undergoing test after test, scan after scan....4 months later now October 2014 I know nothing more except the news I got from my oncologist last Monday, I was informed that the type of Cancer I have is NOT aggressive, but the cervix which is now the Tumor is too large, making it non-operable. They have not still told me which stage I'm in but they were not giving me any hope either.
I never thought this could happen to me. My life is barely starting, I have 2 small young kids Bella who is 7 & Dimitri who is 5. Those three words: " you have cancer" are the most scariest words I've ever heard. The doctors are not giving me any options other then chemo and Radiation....two treatments that I want to avoid.
I'm scared, honestly I'm freaking out on the inside...over last couple months I've been staying positive but as each day goes by and no treatment has been started, I worry more. I don't understand what the delay is , why the doctors are taking so long to do something. They refuse to operate, refusing to give me hysterectomy telling me it's not possible. Doesn't make sense, they can remove a baby the size of watermelon through C-section but removing something a little bigger in golf ball they can't?? How does that make sense. ...
I do not know what's next. I DO know that I'm about to start a new adventure fighting this dang thing.
I WILL BEAT THIS!
I WANT TO BEAT THIS!
MY KIDS NEED ME TO BEAT THIS, I am a single mom after all.
THE REASON FOR THIS POST IS I NEED HELP, I NEED MY FRIENDS! I NEED SUPPORT BECAUSE IM SCARED, I AM PHYSICALLY BEGINNING TO FEEL THE CANCER & THE PAIN IS INDESCRIBABLE. THERE ARE DAYS IM CURLED UP IN A BALL IN BED AND ALL I CAN DO IS CRY & TRY TO CONTROL THE PAIN WITH MY BREATHING ( KINDA LIKE MEDITATION ) TO LOWER THE LEVEL. OTHER DAYS I AM ABLE TO GET UP AND BE ALMOST NORMAL WITH THE HELP OF A NORCO &/OR FEW ALEVE PAIN MEDICINE.
I AM SCARED, MORE THEN WORDS CAN DESCRIBE.
I TRY TO KEEP MYSELF BUSY, MY MIND BUSY CUZ ONCE I ALLOW MY THOUGHTS , MY FEARS TO TAKE OVER , ITS OVERWHELMING, & ITS HARD TO SNAP MYSELF OUT OF IT.THERE HAVE TO BE MORE OPTIONS, ALTERNATIVES THEN JUST CHEMO AND RADIATION. THERE HAS TO BE MORE, IT CANT BE JUST THIS, I DON'T BELIEVE THAT THERE IS NO OPTION B OR C.
IF ANYONE IS A CANCER SURVIVOR, OR KNOWS ONE OR CAN JUST GIVE ME THE POSITIVE FEEDBACK, WORDS OF STRENGTH THAT I NEED TO KEEP FIGHTING I WOULD BE FOREVER INDEBTED TO EACH OF YOU!
I AM GETTING READY FOR THE HARDEST FIGHT OF MY LIFE AND I KNOW I CAN'T DO THIS ALONE, I CANT, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH ALL THIS, THE STRESS, ANXIETY IS NOT HELPING ME EITHER, ITS ACTUALLY PUTTING ME, MY BODY AT RISK; the stress anxiety can cause the cancer to grow quickly and/or worse, it can spread to other surrounding organs/other parts of the body.
I NEED HELP, ANY HELP, ANYTHING IS BETTER THEN NOTHING. I HAVE BEEN KEEPING THE SECRET OF MY CANCER TO MYSELF FOR 4 MONTHS, I guess it just was hard to accept or believe this happening to me. I really wish sometimes this was all a bad dream and hoping I'm going wake up any minute now. But reality is and I have now accepted that I have this. BUT I'M NOT GOING TO LET THE CANCER HAVE ME OR MY LIFE. I RECENTLY JUST TOLD MY MOM & BROTHER (IN THE LAST COUPLE WEEKS) BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT THEM FREAKING OUT. BUT I HAD TO ASK MY MOM TO TAKE MY KIDS BECAUSE I DON'T WANT THEM TO SEE ME DETERIORATE & SEEING ME IN PAIN LIKE YESTERDAY. I DON'T WANT THEIR LIL MINDS ; HEARTS TO WORRY OR BE SCARED FOR MOMMY. THIS NOW HAS LEFT ME QUITE LONELY.
THERE IS SO MUCH I STILL WANT TO DO IN THIS LIFE, I WANT TO WATCH MY CHILDREN GROW, I WANT MY KIDS BACK WITH ME, I WANT TO BE HEALTHY AGAIN, PAIN FREE, I WANT TO LIVE, I WANT TO FEEL NORMAL AGAIN
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